A Pastor's Guide to Church Shopping
Churches come in all shapes, sizes, stripes, and styles. Some have been around for generations, while others have just been planted. Some are connected to other churches, while some like to fly solo. Whatever a local church looks like, at its core, church is a gathering of people who seek to partner with God in bringing about the kingdom of God on Earth.
In this sense, being part of the church is not optional for Christians. When we make the decision to follow Jesus, we are adopted into the family of God. Jesus is the head of that family, and all Christians - both past and present - are His church. We can’t choose whether or not we want to belong to one another; we simply do because of what Christ did for us.
But we do have the choice of how we will live out our place in the church. We have the choice of what community we want to be a part of, whether formally or informally, and to what extent we want to connect to each other. It’s in the local expression of Christ’s body that we can know, and be known, by other believers and where we can work together to participate in God’s reconciling work for the world.
As a pastor of a local church for over six years, I’ve seen just how much a church change. Babies have been born into the church and new people have decided to join us. At the same time, kids who have grown up in the church have stopped coming, some elders have passed away, and other members have decided to leave to attend a different church.
The transient nature of some of our churches has led to the phenomenon that we refer to as “church shopping.” Although church isn’t a commodity that we can buy or sell, finding the right fit isn’t always easy. Depending on what someone is looking for in a church, one could try on a few communities before finding the one that fits them just right.
While I wish churches never had any issues and everyone could simply be happy in the same church for their whole lives, I realize that’s just a fantasy. Church shopping will continue to be a thing for as long as there is more than one local church. So for anyone who is “shopping around,” I offer this guide to help us ask critical questions when looking for a church.
Often when people church shop, they ask questions like: Do I like the preaching and music? Is there programming for my kids? Are there people my own age? Do they have a nice coffee bar? It’s not that these are bad questions, but they don’t really get to the heart of what what church is all about. Again, church is more than something we consume.
“…choosing a church is choosing a culture, and the culture we choose will form us into the people we become.”
In their book entitled A Church Called Tov, Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer trace the abuses of power by some of the famous pastors of big churches in America. One of their conclusions is that those churches created cultures where those abuses were allowed to take place. The goal of their book is to foster positive change so that churches can create tov (a Hebrew word for “good”) cultures that promote healing and discipleship. They note that “choosing a church is choosing a culture, and the culture we choose will form us into the people we become.”
Therefore, when church shopping, the key is to ask questions of a church’s culture, how the church operates, and how we can find our place in it. Questions like:
1) Who holds the power?
When the power of decision-making and direction of the church is held by a pastor or small group of leaders, the interest to maintain that power or to protect the status quo by hiding truth can become more important than the health of the church. Healthy churches share power equally, discern together, and remain transparent about their decision making. Look for a church where everyone’s voice is valued and where anyone (despite background, economic status, or popularity) can have the potential of being in leadership.
2) What questions can I ask?
Diversity is hard for churches. We like it when we all agree and it’s difficult when we don’t. Sometimes, in order not to rock the boat, churches silence people’s questions about God, faith, and the world. But the silencing of questions doesn’t lead to deeper faith in God; instead, it leads to greater reliance on the church as the keeper of knowledge. Healthy churches leave room for doubt and encourage the exploration of questions. Look for a church that fosters honest conversations about faith, welcomes those in who don’t have it all together, and commits to being unified even in the midst of diversity.
3) Where does the money go?
If you want to know what’s important to a church, look at their budget. How much do they pay their pastors? How much do they spend on programming? How much stays within and how much goes out? How generous are they with the needs of the community? Healthy churches strive towards faithful stewardship of all of their resources that lines up with the life and teachings of Jesus. Look for a church that is transparent with their spending and that is willing to be stretched in their stewardship.
4) What relationships can be built?
As nice as it is to have flashy services and cool programming, those aren’t the things that will grow us in faith or keep our children coming to church longterm. More than anything, if church is really about a community of believers, its relationships are key. Healthy churches try to foster lasting intergenerational relationships where vulnerability and honesty are regularly practiced. Whether it happens formally or informally, look for a church where you would feel comfortable being known on a deep level and where vulnerability is normal.
This is by far not an exhaustive guide, but I hope it gives a starting idea of what kinds of culture-shaping questions we can ask when looking for a new church community to join. And as much as churches shape us, we also have a hand in shaping the churches we choose to be a part of. Whenever we choose to belong to a church, we change its make-up and allow who we are to influence others within it. Therefore, as much we we need to ask questions of a church before joining it, we must also be willing to ask questions of ourselves. The main question being, how will I live out my faith in this community?